If you’ve found yourself here, reading these words, I imagine you know the silent, suffocating weight of perfectionism. Maybe you’ve spent nights staring at the ceiling, replaying a conversation, wondering if you said the right thing. Perhaps you feel the pressure to keep proving yourself—at work, in relationships, even in a new country where the rules and expectations are unfamiliar. It can feel like being trapped in a glass box—everyone watching, judging, waiting for you to crack.

Perfectionism isn’t just about striving for success; it’s the relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal. It’s the whispered doubt in your mind when you’re about to speak up in a meeting. It’s the exhaustion from managing every tiny detail of your life so that nothing—nothing—falls out of place. It’s the feeling that if you don’t get it all right, you are failing.

This is especially true for women navigating expat life. You’ve left behind familiarity and security, and now you must prove—to yourself, to others—that you belong, that you are thriving. There is no room for mistakes when you’re constantly being watched, compared, measured. Or at least, that’s what perfectionism tells you.

But let me tell you a secret: perfectionism lies. It promises happiness, success, confidence—but delivers only exhaustion, anxiety, and a sense that no matter how much you achieve, it’s never enough.

Two stories : one struggle

Emma*, a British expat in Dubai, had built a life that looked picture-perfect from the outside. A thriving career, a beautiful home, children who appeared to flourish—on social media, she made it all seem effortless. But behind the curated image was a woman slowly unraveling under the weight of impossible expectations.

Growing up, Emma had learned early that success equaled love. Her parents celebrated her achievements with pride but met her mistakes with quiet disappointment. Praise was abundant when she excelled, but when she fell short, the warmth faded. She internalized the message: to be worthy, she had to be perfect. Now, as an expat in a fast-paced, high-achieving environment, that belief still controlled her. She pushed herself relentlessly at work, afraid that one misstep would make her invisible. She managed every detail of her children’s lives, believing their success reflected her own. Even social events became performances—carefully orchestrated moments of effortless grace, masking the exhaustion underneath.

But perfectionism wasn’t just a personal struggle; it was a coping mechanism. Moving to a new country had stripped away familiarity, leaving Emma grasping for control. The pressure to belong, to prove herself, to never let anyone see the cracks—it was suffocating. And then, her body started to rebel. Sleepless nights turned into panic attacks, her heart racing even in stillness. She finally reached her rock bottom and admitted the truth: perfection wasn’t making her happy. It was breaking her.

Emma’s journey wasn’t just about letting go of perfectionism; it was about unlearning the belief that she had to earn her worth. And slowly, as she challenged those ingrained expectations, she began to find something she hadn’t felt in years—peace.

Sophia's Story

Sophia*, a Canadian expat living in Paris, first reached out to me online. She entered our virtual sessions exuding confidence—polished, poised, the embodiment of success. But as she spoke, the cracks began to show.

"I don’t know how to stop," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I have everything I ever wanted. But it’s never enough. And now… I can’t have a baby. No matter how hard I try, I can’t control this."

Through several RTT sessions, Sophia uncovered a painful truth—her perfectionism wasn’t about achievement; it was about worth. Growing up, love had to be earned, success equated to acceptance. If she wasn’t excelling, she felt invisible. In a hypacompetitive environment, perfectionism had given her a false sense of control—one that was now slipping through her fingers.

Over time, as she learned to release the need to perform, her body responded. The tension softened. The anxiety eased. She found moments of stillness, moments where she wasn’t chasing, proving, striving. For the first time, she felt a deep sense of freedom, fully present in her own life.

Perfectionism is like trying to piece together a shattered mirror, trying to smooth the fractures, make the reflection whole again. But no matter how hard you try, the cracks remain. Because the truth is, perfection is an illusion—one that keeps you stuck in a perpetual cycle of self-doubt and exhaustion. This relentless need for control creates distance, leaving you feeling isolated and straining the relationships that matter most.

What if we tried something different? What if we allowed ourselves to be human? What if we embraced the messy, the imperfect, the beautifully real parts of ourselves? What if we believed—truly believed—that we are already enough?

You don’t have to keep running toward an impossible ideal. Perfectionism isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a weight you no longer need to carry. True strength lies in self-acceptance, in embracing who you are without conditions or expectations.

Maybe you’ve lost sight of who you truly are beneath the expectations and pressure. Together, we can gently peel back the layers, rediscovering the real you—the one who is already enough.

With the right support, such as the modality of RTT therapy and compassionate coaching, you can free yourself from this cycle and step into a life of confidence, balance, and ease.

You deserve to live as your true, authentic self. If you’re ready to start that journey, I’m here to help.

‍
Lexie xx

‍

* Names have been changed for purposes of confidentiality